Fussy Over His Laconic Texts

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- We met three weeks ago and hit it off tremendously. He asked for my number. We've hung out about six times. -BlahBlahBlah- Maybe after the third week of hanging out he started becoming more quiet and I started becoming more open and flirty. -BlahBlahBlah- He flirts some but he mostly seems "whatever". -BlahBlahBlah- When we texted yesterday he basically called me cute, -BlahBlahBlah- I said I liked him "subliminally" through the question game, and he said he liked me back. -BlahBlahBlah- He said he loved talking to me and I always made him smile. -BlahBlahBlah- what concerned me was he said "lol" after alot of things and ":P". -BlahBlahBlah- He told me he struggles with relationships due to his insomnia but he never indicated he was shy, just that he liked staying in. But after those texts last night, he was the last one to respond and he hasn't texted since. It's only been a day and he usually just texts at night... but that bothers me too. I feel like i'm the last thought on his mind. I need a complete, realistic response to my question. -BlahBlahBlah- I'm 18 and he's 21. I'm a senior in highschool and he's in college. -BlahBlahBlah-





Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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You're 18 years old and you think you can accomplish things subliminally?
That makes sense because you're stupid.

This all reads like he probably didn't know you were in high school when he got your number. Two other things he's probably learned about you are that you're stupid, and you're boring.

Being boring is something a girl like you can get away with for the next 5 years, so don't sweat that. And please, don't go out and do something like getting a tattoo to try and fix it; that won't work.

Being stupid is your biggest problem.
Let's examine this statement: "I need a complete, realistic response to my question."

You didn't ask a fucking question.
Does that help illuminate why his use of "lol," and ":p" might seem off script?

Your conflict is apparent because stupid-fussy-girl is a universal language on par with square roots in mathematics: the determined value is either positive or negative and can't be discovered without an incentive to do a bunch of work.

This guy is indifferent because he knows that what you want is not aligned with what he wants.

The irony is that in 6 months, we'll be able to look back upon how little sex he's had with his peers, which will make the dismal 3 months of baby-steps and butt sniffing, with you, totally worth having a fly, soaking wet, 18 year old coming over on Sunday afternoons to bang.

Now it's obvious that you're not sexting nor sending dirty pics, because if you were you wouldn't be having this issue.

It's totally fine if you're too much of a prude to be building sexual tension with this guy, but you have to produce some sort of value in that department.



My advice to you: Wait until Monday to text him, and when you do, ask "Did you get lucky this weekend?"

Should I Text Him?

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- cologne-drenched shopper approached me -BlahBlahBlah- asked me out "for ice cream." I told him -BlahBlahBlah- we could meet later if he wanted. -BlahBlahBlah- first date ended up being breakfast, -BlahBlahBlah- a ride in his canoe. -BlahBlahBlah- pouring on the romance, -BlahBlahBlah- He would have slept with me too, on the first date, but I wouldn't let him. -BlahBlahBlah- I haven't heard from him since our 3rd date several days ago. Do you think he is a player who just gave up because it was too much work to seduce me? -BlahBlahBlah- I found him insanely attractive -BlahBlahBlah- I wonder if I should just casually text him -BlahBlahBlah- re. if he wants to get together 'later'? -BlahBlahBlah-


Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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I'm not saying that a girl is boring if she's the type that sits around waiting to over-analyze a guy's next move. But, it is pretty boring to date a girl who does that.

True, you've only been on three dates... why lift a finger, right?

If a guy is dating you to get himself in front of you then you can look forward to 3 pretty good dates. After that, he's out of gas.

I can't say whether that sex rule, known as the "3 Date Rule,"is limited to three dates because guys run out of gusto by the third date, or if perhaps a guy's gusto is only charged for 3 dates because of the rule. Either way, it is what it is.

You find this guy insanely attractive, you're not sure if you should text him, and you haven't fucked him yet.

What are you, a fucking princess?

I'm not saying that you owe the guy sex but if you're not letting on that you might be dtf, then you've exceeded the cap.

This doesn't mean the guy is opposed to kicking it with you, but if he is a player, he probably stopped reading into you when you broke $160.

My advice to you: Get a bottle and a board game, and invite him over for an In-Call. (Not Scrabble... your turns probably take too fucking long.)

Can I Just Dump Him Over The Phone?

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- I have decided that the guy I've been seeing for 3 months isn't the one for me. -BlahBlahBlah- I want to tell him in person but that means I travel -BlahBlahBlah- then I arrive, dump him and then leave. -BlahBlahBlah- Do you think its acceptable to tell him on the phone? -BlahBlahBlah- how would you prefer to be dumped after 3 months? -BlahBlahBlah- face to face conversation or phone call? He seems pretty keen on me -BlahBlahBlah- I think he might be gutted when I tell him. -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,

-BlahBlahBlah-

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Most guys would prefer that you dump them in person so they can have the chance to talk you out of it.

Dumping in person is the most polite way to do it, but it's not always the most effective.

He plays the hurt role and you find yourself leaving feeling like shit.

The whole scene increases the odds that you'll call him up once you remember WHY you impulsively jumped into a relationship with a dude whom you changed your mind about after three, bland months.

Some guys are actually really good at avoiding getting dumped. They ask you "well what ARE you looking for?"

Then you feel dumb.

Then they give you a perfectly rational description of someone who would provide what they're not providing and ask "something more like that?"

You say "Yes," even though it's been established that you're dumb and don't know what you want.

Then they go "Well baby! I didn't know you were at that level yet. I could be those things for you but I thought we were trying to move slow." Maybe they'll even tack on how they're hesitant to trust you at this point.

Suddenly you feel dumb AND ugly.

The next thing you know, you're in a month long contract to just go with the flow and see what happens "now that we both understand where we're at and what we're looking for."

If you want to put distance between you and this guy, start with distance, and do it over the phone.

Honestly, the most surefire method of dumping a guy is the silent treatment. It works best for two reasons: The first being that he has no say in the matter. The second reason it's so effective is that it's a really shitty way to burn someone and even if he really, really doesn't deserve it, your subconscious will take care of that because your ego can't handle calling itself shitty. Your brain will either convince itself that he did deserve it, or he'll do himself in by grossing you out with lovesick phone bombs.

I'm curious though, are you breaking up with this guy - after three months - because of a deal breaker like violence or substance abuse? Or, are you breaking up with him - after three months - because something about you sucks and you're impulsively, emotionally reckless?

My advice to you: If you're not putting yourself in danger then do it in person so that maybe you'll learn something that'll detour you from shitting on people in the future.

Keep Getting Stood Up By Single Mom

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- I haven't seen this girl since high school and I saw her a week ago at a club. We hung out -BlahBlahBlah- I got her number. She tells me though that she has a kid from a previous marriage and that he is 1 years old. -BlahBlahBlah- I'm not a big fan of the package deal but I want to give her a shot -BlahBlahBlah- such a sweet girl. -BlahBlahBlah- we end up setting a day to go out to eat. We -BlahBlahBlah- Friday rolls around and I text her to make sure she is still available -BlahBlahBlah- she says that she can't b/c -BlahBlahBlah- her son -BlahBlahBlah- I was completely understandable on that. She said how about a rain check for -BlahBlahBlah- I text her if she is still available to go. -BlahBlahBlah- she texts me back saying she is unable to go tonight and wants to try again for the upcoming weekend. -BlahBlahBlah- I said okay and told her that I would text to see if my work schedule allows me to go out or not. -BlahBlahBlah- How many more opportunities should I give her before I cut her loose? -BlahBlahBlah- I just don't know how much longer I should stick around for. -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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This situation will solve itself when her broken plans become actual blowoffs.

I'm pretty sure that's the path you're on. Cute, sweet single mom's are one of the world's best kept secrets.

You should be stoked that she's interested in you, but instead, you're buggin' out and thinking that you should cap her "opportunities" to see if she runs out the clock.

Maybe you should kick it up a notch and try to make her feel guilty on top of that.

You're setting her up to fail... with a fucking ultimatum... and you haven't even gone out yet!!!

Dude! Her kid is ONE!!!!

Your fucking feelings are at the bottom of her list.

My advice to you: Stop being in such a big fucking rush to vindicate yourself. Your expectations in this situation are unreasonable.

She Went from DTF to Not Interested.

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah-So I meet this girl from [dating site] and she was telling me everybody she meant was really weird and had horrible dates. -BlahBlahBlah- She invites me over -BlahBlahBlah-and goes right for the big guy -BlahBlahBlah-I did not have condoms -BlahBlahBlah-her response was I don't have a uterous anyways so you can just fuck me -BlahBlahBlah- then gave me head -BlahBlahBlah- I call and text her the next day no response. Send an email today and she -BlahBlahBlah- said "I'm sorry, I just don't think it is going to work out. The more thinking I do about it, I think I am looking for something else... I had fun and you are super nice. Good luck."
-BlahBlahBlah- So whats the deal? -BlahBlahBlah-


Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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You blew it.

That's what happened.

Remember how she was down to fuck without a rubber? Yeah, she's not very responsible.

Sometimes what that can mean is that she doesn't like responsibility, which is what you handed her when you called, then texted, then emailed her.

The options of post-hysterectomy bare-backing or a blow job are not the declaration that you can become emotionally dependent upon her text replies.

"The more I think about it..." she said.

Dude, sometimes, after an impulsive one night stand, you really don't want her thinking about it. But, if you're compelled to remind her that you played a roll in the dirty feeling she's trying to shake off, then do it once, early, via text, and without an eroteme.



My advice to you: Play it cool after a first date, especially when she gives it up.

I Keep Hurting Ugly Girls' Feelings.

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- I genuinely like them, in a friend way. -BlahBlahBlah- They'll think I'm gay but I don't need my entire community setting me up on dates with the local homosexuals -BlahBlahBlah- So I tell these women that I'm unattracted to them. -BlahBlahBlah- they don't understand how we can get along so well as friends -BlahBlahBlah- go on and on about how good they treat me -BlahBlahBlah- I agree with them on that, and tell them I find them physically unattractive. Most times this ends up hurting their feelings -BlahBlahBlah- They usually get very angry and upset and then -BlahBlahBlah- trying to convince me that if I just give them a try, -BlahBlahBlah- will work out. So, what do I do? If I give into her, I'm with someone I don't want to be with -BlahBlahBlah- If I stand my ground and admit that I find her very unattractive, she gets hurt -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Too bad, most girls can't tell the difference between Jerks and Fucking Idiots. You, my friend, are a fucking idiot... but they're probably telling everyone that you're a jerk.

My advice to you: Start letting them give you hummers and then you'll have probable lies to tell them for why you don't want to be romantically involved. Additionally, stop watching porn. Stick to this plan and I'm sure that in 9 months you'll be more attracted to the girls who throw themselves at you.

Shy Myspace Guy

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- a year ago. -BlahBlahBlah- have only met up twice. The first time -BlahBlahBlah- we hugged and that was that. -BlahBlahBlah- a lot in common. We also seem to talk about sex a lot -- I am very attracted to him. -BlahBlahBlah- We met up again yesterday. -BlahBlahBlah- so attrated to him -BlahBlahBlah- touched each other everywhere -BlahBlahBlah- He kept saying not yet when I offered oral. He said he wanted to do more, but didn't want to last night. -BlahBlahBlah- I'm wondering if maybe its me and he's not into it? He certainly seemed into what we did last night!

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Two words: Flare Up.

My advice to you: Give him time to heal up.