Trying to Fade the Girl Next Door

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah-i was drunk with some of my new friends and had just met my new neighbor next door. i ended up getting a bj in her room and all my friends had been watching through the glass window that i had forgot to close. -BlahBlahBlah-girl is not attractive. Period. -BlahBlahBlah- since everyone already saw me hook up with her -BlahBlahBlah- might as well sleep with her for a while. -BlahBlahBlah- she tells me that her super hot gorgeous friend wants to have a threesome with me and her! -BlahBlahBlah-Its been two weeks now since she said that. Is she using her friend as leverage so that i dont leave? -BlahBlahBlah-only reason im still sleeping with her is because i want the threesome, maybe she can see that too? -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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You will never have a threesome with her super hot friend.
Lets review the facts.
You tried to impress your new friends by humiliating the girl next door with a showtime.
You've made this - not attractive - girl your booty call.
You continue to sleep with her in hopes that you'll get to have sex with a super-gorgeous girl.
For whatever reason (most likely being that you're a pariah), you're obviously not the type of guy who gets to sleep with super-gorgeous girls.

Further more, I'm inclined to believe that the only girl willing to sleep with you is this unattractive girl, next door.

Why ruin a good thing?

Seriously.

But if you insist, then let me share a story with you.

Long ago, in the suburbs, the high school lunch lady had a son who lost his virginity hanging with a crew of misfits who used to run trains on girls with low self esteem. Being that it was his first time, he was at the end of the train, which meant he got to cuddle with her while his boys smoked cigarettes in the back yard. In that magic moment, he asked her to be his girlfriend and she said "okay."

Do you see where I'm going with this?


My advice to you: Make friends with a guy who's more pathetic than you. Bring him by and talk this girl into having a threesome, where you'll play the role of the super-gorgeous one, who ups and leaves when it's finished. If they don't fall in love then serve her the tail-lights by stating that you can't allow her to come between you and your friend.

Neighbor's Dog

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- heed the old saying that you "can't pick em". I could use some great advice regarding their dog. -BlahBlahBlah- RIGHT below our bedroom windows. When in the dog run, this dog barks, and barks and -BlahBlahBlah- 6AM -BlahBlahBlah- 11PM -BlahBlahBlah- I asked sincerely if they could possibly move their dog run to the other side of their house (where they have loads of room). They stated "Absolutely not! This side of the house has shade, that the dog requires in the summer." -BlahBlahBlah- Although I'm not looking to be close, I'd like to be cordial. -BlahBlahBlah- barking collar -BlahBlahBlah- quite certain they would take offense -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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I'd suggest coaxing the dog to jump the fence so he'll hang himself by his own leash. The next best method would be to poison the dog, but that could lead back to you. Of course you could always make the dog disappear and leave it to some kids down river to find its bloated body in a burlap sack on the banks. When I was a kid, I knew a family whose beagle met the same fate, however, now that I'm grown I realize that it wasn't that they happened to live near evil people, but that they - themselves - were merely retarded dog owners.

If you had a fraction of the balls required to snuff out a dog, you probably would have used said fraction to call the authorities because THERE ARE LAWS in place which protect your rights to quiet space.

Sadly you'd prefer to abandon your dignity and enable the audacious alpha-neighbor because you think you can keep a peace that is long fucking gone. The fact is, you have a shitty neighbor who has a shitty dog that makes your life hell.

Until we put children on dog runs, or until dogs stop shitting and fucking in the streets, you need to commit to the fact that dogs are not people; they are accessories. And this dog is just as invasive in your life as a flood light aimed at your bedroom window (which you would have sabotaged ages ago.)

My advice to you: Go to the bridge you wish existed and burn it.