Finding a Summer Babysitting Gig

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- im a twleve year old girl -BlahBlahBlah- lookiing for a babysitting job during the summer -BlahBlahBlah- im having a hard time trying to find one -BlahBlahBlah- what can i do?

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Put this babysitters club, kids love me, fun summer job, fantasy bullshit out of your head.

First off, nobody wants to hire you because you're a shitty little 12 year old who will be all shitty and 12 years old, and when mom gets home at 6:00 she'll walk into a house that'll look all shitty because a 12 year old was left in charge.

Hey, as a twelve year old, you might be pretty smart, but as a human you're FUCKING stupid. Like... people wise, you belong to one of the stupidest demographics on earth... 12th stupidest to be exact.

Your skills are not marketable.

My advice to you: Sex sells. (I'm talking about your advertising; don't sell your body.)

How do I Promote

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- recently created an anonymous advice website for my school and I need a way to advertise it. -BlahBlahBlah- I need a way to advertise it without people knowing that I created it. -BlahBlahBlah- Can you help me?

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Fuck off! I took the route of hard work. You might want to try it. The one thing I'll share with you is that something deeply programmed into my brain - from high school - is that Tiffany Daily likes to get eaten out under water. I remember that so vividly because I read it on a bathroom wall.

My advice to you: Get a sharpie marker.