Who is Legally Responsible for My Teen's Baby?

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- Is there a website or -BlahBlahBlah- to find out exactly what my legal obligations and rights are as a new grandparent? -BlahBlahBlah- 16yr old daughter with a 9mos. old baby -BlahBlahBlah- both live with me -BlahBlahBlah- she refuses to tell me who she thinks the father is so that we can try to get some type of financial support? -BlahBlahBlah- I have an idea of who it might be, -BlahBlahBlah- I need to know how I would go about legally proceeding with something like this? -BlahBlahBlah- Since I am legally still responsible for my daughter until she is 18yrs. of age, does that mean that I am also just as responsible for my grandchild until then as well?? -BlahBlahBlah-



Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Look bitch,
If you're not up to taking care of your daughter and her baby, then it doesn't matter what your rights and obligations are.

It sounds like you'll be able to take care of your daughter and her baby for the next couple of years... but you're just pissed about having to work harder.

In most states, legally, this is on par with your kid poking another kid's eye out with a stick from the playground. It's your problem.

In most states, it's your problem if your teen daughter has a child; you're responsible. I can't say for sure that an eye-poke, on the playground, sets legal precedent in a case where your daughter's vagina was poked, in some residential construction site, but I'm pretty sure that if the father is named on the birth certificate (and by some stroke of luck, he's still a minor) his parents will be just as much on the hook.

Judging by your abuse of the question-mark, I think that what you truly seek is a solution to this conflict that would require as little effort from you as possible.



My advice to you: Put your daughter, and her baby, into foster care. It will give her and her baby a proper home, and you'll be able to go back to whatever it was you were doing when your daughter was getting fucked in the streets. It's a win/win scenario... unless she figures out how to emancipate herself... then it's just a win for you.

Another: Parents Hate My Baby Daddy

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- my parents loved my babys dad at the time and they let him move in. And then when my son was born, he became sort of different and not the best father -BlahBlahBlah- not a good boyfriend -BlahBlahBlah- my parents kicked him out -BlahBlahBlah- we broke up. -BlahBlahBlah- my son is turning 2 next month, and my babys dad -BlahBlahBlah- truly belive he has changed and i love him -BlahBlahBlah- I truly believe we could be happy again. -BlahBlahBlah- son needs his father -BlahBlahBlah- he is not seeing him a lot now because i live with my parents. My parents are threatening to not pay for my college, take my car away that they bought, possible kick me out and not be here for me ever again. -BlahBlahBlah- now i am basically behind their back with him trying to figure something out. -BlahBlahBlah- i love my son and want the best for him and i feel that since my parents can provide for him then i should be here. But dont i deserve to be happy too? -BlahBlahBlah-


Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Nope, you do not deserve to be happy too.

You would deserve to be happy if you could find happiness within this sweet deal you're getting from your parents.

This has already been fucking covered.

"You deserve to be happy," is what a counselor says to you when you carry around a bunch of negative baggage. You won't hear a counselor say "You deserve to be happy - and gee - if trying to weigh your happiness against your family's wishes and baby's best interest, is bumming you out, then fuck it! Shit all over your network of support and go roll the dice with the guy who's already let you down."

Your priorities are fucked. Your reasoning is fucked. Your attitude towards your situation is reasonable for a girl your age. The-kid-needs-a-father bullshit is covered by your dad, and if your baby's dad is not coming over to visit, it's either because he's a lazy piece of shit, who doesn't make time to visit, or he's a corrosive piece of shit who has been 86'd by our parents.

My advice to you: Invent a pill that turns babies into puppies, or focus your energy away from your dirt-bag-baby-daddy and towards gaining some independence so your parents won't need to worry about your decision making.

Parents Hate My Baby-Daddy

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Dear Right Advice,

-BlahBlahBlah- my parents hate my baby dad,, i am turning 18 in a few days and am a little over a month away from giving birth. -BlahBlahBlah- my baby dad is getting out of jail in 3 days -BlahBlahBlah- trying to do everything he can to make himself a better person by finding a job and getting his G.E.D..
-BlahBlahBlah- my parents are saying if i have any contact with him at all, they will kick me out and take my car away -BlahBlahBlah- this is the worst thing that could happen because i have no where to go -BlahBlahBlah- i cant really sneak around and see him because my parents are physco -BlahBlahBlah-
my baby dad lives in a trailer with his best friend and there is no room for another person -BlahBlahBlah- my baby dad is adopted so the most important thing to him is to be there for his child, -BlahBlahBlah- i love him more then -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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It is sort of unfair that before your folks let you get knocked up by a jail-bound dropout they forgot to mention that they're gonna get all parenty once you have the kid.

Look idiot, you're already making out like a bandit. You get to have a baby, a car and your parents will support you financially. Why would you want to fuck that up?

You might think that getting pregnant and taking abor/doption off the table means that you're grown up, but all it really means is that you're an irresponsible child who's been making shit decisions and bouncing back on your parents' dime.

Sadly, your kid won't have that option, once you tell your parents to fuck off.

Also, your boyfriend couldn't even handle high school. What makes you think he won't drop out of being a parent? Not being able to provide for your child, because your criminal record keeps you from getting a decent job, is pretty fucking embarrassing. How long do you think he's going to do that to himself?


My advice to you: Give your boyfriend a year to get his G.E.D. and find steady work. Your parents will probably be cool with that because they know that in three months he won't have made any progress and hopefully you'll side with the baby's best interest.

White Flight

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Dear Right Advice
-BlahBlahBlah- I was involved with a black guy for a while and we had a son together. I recently was dating a white guy -BlahBlahBlah- I didnt see the need to tell him about my son being mixed. One day we were wanting to have dinner together -BlahBlahBlah- told me it was fine to just bring him along, he wanted to meet him anyways. Well i show up to meet him and about half way thru dinner he just blurts out " what did you see in me if you usually date other races?" -BlahBlahBlah- We split up the next week after he started asking a lot about guys I used to date. He's not the only one to start asking questions when they have seen my son -BlahBlahBlah- makes a guy lose interest, even though they know I have a child. -BlahBlahBlah- is dating a girl who has a child that is bi racial really that big of a deal for guys? -BlahBlahBlah- a double whammy for me since a lot of guys don't want to date single mom also.

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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First off, I can't get enough of single women blaming their kids for hurting their market value when it comes to dating.

Anyhow, an often-overlooked side effect of listening to chauvinistic hip hop, during one's formative years, is that it makes white men fear that one day they'll find out about how, in college, their white girlfriend went to a 2 Live Crew concert and had the train run on them. Oddly enough, when a white guy dates a black girl, such thoughts don't even enter his brain. This is probably because the ethnocentric part of our brain needs to be addressed in our first impressions of someone. So when this guy met your son, he made all sorts of connections in his head which he never got a chance to address. Suddenly he's got to look back with a different lens, and he has to quickly gather info to address the new question- "Just how down does a guy have to be to date her?"

And, nobody will tell you this, but there's a strong chance that your youthful mannerisms morph into some perceived "Hood," shibboleth once they find out that you have a kid with a black man. It's not that guys have a problem with you having a multi-racial child; it's that they have to confront this in a backwards fashion and that's not something that we all get the chance to practice.

My advice to you: Rename your kid something more... ethnic.

He's Moving to Dad's

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- single mom for the last 5 years. I'm not regretful about the breakdown of the marriage -BlahBlahBlah- my son who is almost 13 started changing into pre-teen mode. -BlahBlahBlah- everlasting debate -BlahBlahBlah- 4 weeks ago he arbitrarily decided he would like to live with his father. -BlahBlahBlah- I didn't react very well. -BlahBlahBlah- emotional rollercoaster -BlahBlahBlah- His father has not helped at all by putting his foot down specially on my weekends -BlahBlahBlah- specified in a legal agreement -BlahBlahBlah- not court appointed. I've run the gambit with what is my right and what is not. -BlahBlahBlah- Seems as though my 12 1/2 year old wins! -BlahBlahBlah- The law cannot help me -BlahBlahBlah- father just stands there and doesn't push the child to spend time with his mother. -BlahBlahBlah- juggling a stressful job, entertaining my daughter -BlahBlahBlah- seeking the support emotionally where i can. -BlahBlahBlah- son will not disclose why -BlahBlahBlah- the attitude, etc. seems to only come out when around his father.
I just feel like washing my hands of it all....problem is I fear there may be harsh consequences.
-BlahBlahBlah- have given him great affection and it seems to somehow be all wasted time.
Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Rest assured, your son did not thumb through your divorce decree to find a way to spite you, nor is this some competition where he wants to "win." It just so happens that the man of the house, again, wants out. "Everlasting debates," usually indicate the dominant party "washing [their] hands of it all." So obviously you have allowed a mountain of unresolved shit to pile up.

If tween-age is really to blame here, then you should appreciate your time away from the kid, because, odds are, his dad is gonna kick his ass right back over to your house.

My advice to you: Accept that the kid does not want to be around you.