The Jealous Type

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months -BlahBlahBlah- hes just been getting so jealous, -BlahBlahBlah- he dosent mind me hanging out with girls -BlahBlahBlah- Ive always been the type of person who has gotten along better with guys then girls -BlahBlahBlah- i have one guy friend in particular -BlahBlahBlah- throughout all my problems in all my relationships, he has been there for me -BlahBlahBlah- he did tell me he loved me, -BlahBlahBlah- but he knows im in a relationship, -BlahBlahBlah- my boyfriend knows i talk to him a lot. even when im with him we will text sometimes -BlahBlahBlah- argument because i wouldnt let him see my phone, he snatched it, -BlahBlahBlah- he pushed me -BlahBlahBlah- i slapped him, and then he grabbed me and pushed me again. -BlahBlahBlah- after that i had called this guy friend of mine because i was upset, and then my boyfriend came in mad and yelling stuff -BlahBlahBlah- told me not to disrespect him while im on the phone, and then snatched the phone out of my hand, grabbed me, turned me over, and started hitting me ( on my a** ) but it hurt. -BlahBlahBlah- cut on the inside of my lip, and my arms were hurting from when he grabbed me -BlahBlahBlah- he did end up apoligizing though.

-BlahBlahBlah- he said he wants to propose to me next month -BlahBlahBlah- says once we get engaged i can no longer -BlahBlahBlah- guy friends. because all they want to do is f*** me. -BlahBlahBlah- so i jsut dont think its fair. -BlahBlahBlah- anytime i do something he dosent like -BlahBlahBlah- says things like "shut the f*** up, and listen to me" and "your gonna sit there and listen" . Last night we got into a big argument, and i broke up with him. he lives about 35 min away from me and i didnt feel like driving home so i just told him i was gonna sleep downstairs on the couch. he kept coming down there and begging -BlahBlahBlah- crying -BlahBlahBlah- we ended up getting back together, but then earlier today we talked, and he was just telling me again i could no longer talk to my guy friend-BlahBlahBlah- hes so controlling and idk what to do? -BlahBlahBlah-


Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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So another smoking-hot girl, who acts as she pleases, has driven her boyfriend insane.

Girls like you only get told to act right by boyfriends. Guy-friends let you act as you please because they want to bang you. Think about it. Has that guy-friend, who's made you his long term project, ever faulted you for any of your bullshit when you were in desperate need of "support?"

Sadly, had this guy-friend possessed the balls to side with your boyfriend over an issue of you not acting right, he would have already dated you by now. (Balls breeds Value breeds Balls.)

Your boyfriend should be cool with you having guy friends. But when you run to this guy for "support," he basically just undoes hours of exhausting deliberation between you and your boyfriend because telling you "your boyfriend is wrong" is a bimbo's definition of "support."

Problems go unresolved, and your boyfriend takes offence once he starts to realize why. Every issue you've been told to make your boyfriend swallow starts to weigh him down and one day his only idea is to mar his character and spank you.

We know you lack tact because you thought it was okay to break up with your boyfriend and then crash on his couch in lieu of a 30 minute drive. If you think I'm wrong, I'll go as far as to sacrifice any chance I have to fuck you, just to get this point across; you are trifling and probably the only thing that could ever force you to grow any character is an unplanned pregnancy paid for by DSHS.

This brand of lylab ruins girls like you and has probably ruined every relationship they've "supported" you through.

My advice to you: Break up with your bf and date this lylab so that when you show him how short you actually fall of his ideals and expectations, he'll destroy himself.

He Shouldn't Have Kissed Me

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- My Best Friend and i went to the movies and i told him i got back with my ex -BlahBlahBlah- then we were watching the movie and he's poking and tickling me and then he kisses me and i dont know what to do , i wanna talk to him about but i dont know what to say cause i get so shy around him.. help -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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So you went on a date with a guy that thought you were single. You told him you were not single. Then you cheated on your boyfriend.

Bravo Skank.

I roll my eyes at your prioritizing. You'd sooner cheat on your boyfriend then yell "Stop creep," in a theater. That must have been the longest tickle session of your life.

My favorite part is that you think there's some magical phrase you can say to this guy to get your cake back.

Try this phrase on for size: "Hey lylab*, I know you don't respect me, nor my boyfriend, and that's all fine and good, but when you tongue raped my mouth, it conflicted with the roll that I assigned you in my sexless fantasy of always wanting a brother who doesn't make fun of me for things like having boobs, pretending to cry or eating cottage cheese directly from the container. So lets not tell my boyfriend that we kissed, and you and I can resume our relationship as brother and sister... who've made out once."

My advice to you: Treat men better.

Good Friend has Horrible BF

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- i get a call almost once a week -BlahBlahBlah- about how her BF has done something crappy agian,-BlahBlahBlah- She says he is usually sweet and nice, ive never seen it -BlahBlahBlah- he makes good money and all but i cant see her dating him for that. -BlahBlahBlah- back story -BlahBlahBlah- My question is even though i would not mund dating her i would just like her to date someone that she is happy with period, how can i get/help her move on to someone else? -BlahBlahBlah- she keeps going back. -BlahBlahBlah- stereotypical girl -BlahBlahBlah- dating guys that are just flat out douche bags -BlahBlahBlah- why do women stay with horrible guys?

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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You can call him a douche bag, but I'm betting there's only a few differences between him and you:
she's fucking him,
when she goes to him for vindication he has ALL the facts,
and when he talks to her about the relationship, he's not hoping they'll break up.

Once you get a little Stank on your Hanglow you'll quickly realize that you're also a douche bag. And once you join our club, you'll say what we all say.
"I'm not a douche bag, I just value myself and now girls want to suck my dick."

My advice to you: Take his side when she calls and maybe you'll finally get a taste of the whiney fucking fury which girlfriends harbor for guys who have grown tired of pretending to be wrong.

Me and My Roommate

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- 21 year old guy and I live with two girls. One of them has not been the greatest person to live with and so my other roommate and I -BlahBlahBlah-we have become pretty close and cherish our time together without the other roommate -BlahBlahBlah- ice cream, play mini golf, go to movies, go out to eat -BlahBlahBlah- setting up a tent in our living room -BlahBlahBlah- spend the nights in the tent sharing a single mattress -BlahBlahBlah- long conversations before going to sleep -BlahBlahBlah- usually about our sexual lives -BlahBlahBlah- I'm the only one she has talked to about such things. Is she coming on to me or is she just my best friend? I could easily live either way. -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Hate for the LFR (Least Favorite Roommate) is the greatest way to grow close with another roommate. But you're still her Lylab (loves you like a brother).
I'm hesitant to believe that you are totally indifferent to this, because you're ASKING "If."

So, if you really do want to F your roommate, and you're all about being an indentured BF and skipping the whole "What are we," phase, and having to find a new place to live if you meet someone else and possibly enter into an endless cycle of one rushed move-in relationship to another, then okay.

My advice to you: Band together and subject the LFR to subtle pranks until you can kick it up to M-bating on the LFR's bed (for sport) and see if she gives off any signals.

Her Friend Warned Me.

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Dear Right Advice,
-BlahBlahBlah- A month ago I met a beautiful woman. -BlahBlahBlah- keep telling eachother how rare and amazing the other is -BlahBlahBlah- in the past she had difficulty committing but after meeting me -BlahBlahBlah- it was because there was always some issue that prevented her from doing so. So she has to move across the country -BlahBlahBlah- I am going to move too. I need change in my life and she is really rare and special. -BlahBlahBlah- she invited me to a friend's place -BlahBlahBlah- her male friend said I should be careful because she has a tendency to break hearts because she will move on. Since then I have asked her questions, not directly with what he said but rather -BlahBlahBlah- why they ended. I got a bit of a different story -BlahBlahBlah-

Sincerely,
-BlahBlahBlah-
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Whether he was lying to scare you off, or telling you the truth to protect you - one thing is apparent when her friend says that behind her back - Your girlfriend is retarded.
Either because she picks friends who will shit on her when she's out of the room, because she'll forgive such a friend, or because this friend is convinced that he'll one day get to fuck her... She's retarded.

And you're MORE retarded for thinking that following some month-ago trim to New Dickland is a good idea.
Do you even know what's in New Dickland?
New Dick!
And you know what you will be?
Baggage from Old Dickville!

Once you and your retarded girlfriend get to New Dickland, you're either going to settle for a shitty apartment 3 transfers from the action, or you'll take a leap into a check-to-check lease that's barely affordable.
Bottom line, she'll be going out... a lot... without you.
And she'll be making friends with Shit-on-you dudes until she finds herself swinging from new-dick to new-dick and then, finally, you're scrambling for a new roommate.

My advice to you: Let her get established out there with a 3 month head start.